Snow Screwers

Maybe I'll get to use my Toro Snow Blower—which, by the way—doesn't "BLOW" snow. You can't even "BLOW" snow with a leaf BLOWER (I tried). The flakes just laid there and looked at me as if to say, 'WTF you trying to do, idiot—do I really look like a leaf?'

The words, "SNOW-BLOWER" on a "SNOW-THROWER" is an advertising mystery. I am flabergasted that the company has not been sued for a million dollars? Actually, to be "HONEST-ABE" about it, my snow blower isn't really a snow blower or even a SNOW-THROWER, as implied above.


My machine is really a "SNOW-FLIPPER." There are a series of blades that turn-round and "flip" the snow up a chute so hard that the snow flies 30 to 40 feet in a large arc before landing on the neighbor's driveway. My machine is really a "SNOW FLIPPER," but you'll never find those two words anywhere on my machine. Think about it. "Snow flipper"

If "SNOW-BLOWER" isn't bad enough, my neighbor has a "SNOW-SCREWER." He really does. He can 'SCREW' the snow off his driveway but I can't BLOW it off mine. His machine doesn't have any fancy label on it saying it is a "SNOW SCREWER" but it could and it would be more accurate than "snow blower."

To be an perfectly honest about this: There are three known snow removal machines on my block.

#1) Some are SNOW-FLIPPERS
#2) Some are SNOW-SCREWERS
#3) Some are SNOW-THROWERS*

*A SNOW-THROWER is a FLIPPER in drag.